Empowering Our Girls In Who They’re Becoming, Rather Than What They’re Achieving

Hands up, who thinks self-esteem and self-confidence are the same thing?

Because we often find these terms used interchangeably. 

We often characterise someone with high self-esteem as being a confident person. 

And whilst there is huge overlap between the two and they very much feed into one another - they are different.

Self-confidence is how much you believe that you have the ability to accomplish things in life.

Whereas…

Self-esteem is how you think and feel about yourself; the opinion you have of yourself.

Put more simply, self-confidence is about ‘what we do’ and self-esteem is about ‘who we are’.

And why does this difference matter? 

Because self-esteem is a far sturdier and more fruitful foundation to build our sense of identity and worth on. 

The problem is, we live in a culture that promotes self-confidence. We love to be evidence-based. Proving ourselves in what we do and achieve, our talents and skills, the obvious outward successes that can be praised and can build a reputation.

But what happens when… 

an athlete gets injured?

a performer doesn’t get that part they auditioned for?

an academic does poorly on a test?

a brilliant entrepreneur doesn’t get a promotion?

If the majority of their sense of worth and value has been placed in their abilities, how will they feel about themselves when they can no longer perform to the same standard or perform altogether? Or what about when they just can’t keep all the plates spinning any more? They’re not doing everything as well as they think they should be. It’s overwhelming and leaves them feeling like they’re just no good at all…

What our teenage girls need to know is: who they are is more important than what they do.

That’s not diminishing the importance of having passions, growing skills and using our talents. They very much matter too. They just don’t matter more than the person your girls are growing into. 

A person with high self-esteem believes they are a good and worthy person, even if they aren't the best at any particular skill.

How much teenage girls value and appreciate themselves as a person - independent of their specific accomplishments - will help them to grow resilience when life inevitably doesn't go their way.  Being secure in their inherent value. Being comfortable in their own skin. Liking themselves for who they are, will mostly likely go on to have a positive impact on all areas of their lives.

• The friendships they forge

• The relationships they enter or feel empowered to leave

• The way they treat others

• Their willingness to try new things or try again after failure

• The kind of hopes and dreams they have

The list is endless

But how often do we find ourselves praising others for what they’ve done or achieved?

When was the last time you encouraged a teenage girl in her character? Just called out the good you see in her?

You’ve got a huge heart.

Your passion for justice is infectious.

I like you for who you are.

Being around you makes the day brighter.

Your strength and determination to keep going is inspiring.

The next time you’re around the girls you work with or live with, why not take a moment to pause and notice them. Their whole person.

What gold are you seeing in her?

Then tell her.