Raising Teenage Girls: Why Your Presence Is As Important As Ever
Parenting teenage girls can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. It can be filled with highs, lows, and more than a few sharp turns. If you’ve ever felt like you're navigating this journey blindfolded, you're not alone.
Many parents share the same concerns:
Is this behaviour normal?
Why won’t she talk to me anymore?
Have I done something wrong?
Am I even making a difference?
Let us reassure you: You are not alone, and you are making a difference, even when it doesn't always feel that way.
“Let us reassure you: You are not alone, and you are making a difference, even when it doesn't always feel that way.”
Teenage Years: A Complex Transition
Adolescence is a time of massive transformation. Teenage girls are dealing with:
Friendship struggles and shifting social dynamics
Grapples with identity and self-esteem
A still-developing prefrontal cortex, which influences decision-making and risk-taking
The pull of peer pressure, fitting in, and being liked
Surging hormones and emotional ups and downs
It’s no wonder that these years can feel like a melting pot of confusion.
Why Home Feels the Impact
You may notice that your teen holds it together outside the home but unravels once through the front door. While it can feel hurtful or worrying, this is often a sign that your daughter feels safe with you.
It’s at home where they feel free to drop the mask, release their frustrations, and truly be themselves. Your presence provides a secure base, even if it doesn’t always feel like you’re appreciated.
“Your presence provides a secure base, even if it doesn’t always feel like you’re appreciated.”
Swimming Away… Then Back Again
Psychologist and author Lisa Damour explains that teenage development often involves a leaving and retuning process. Your daughter may appear to push you away one moment and seek your comfort the next. Lisa likens it to swimming when your teen dives into the waters of independence, but occasionally swims back to you at the edge before heading out again.
This back-and-forth is normal. It’s how they test out their independence while knowing you’re still there.
So, What Can We Do as Parents?
The greatest gift you can offer your teenage daughter isn’t a grand gesture; it’s your presence. Even if she tells you she doesn't need you, acts like she wants to be left alone, or seems distant, your consistent and calm presence is invaluable.
Here are some ways to show up:
Be available at home, even if it feels like she’s avoiding you
Check in lightly, without pressure
Pause your work, even briefly, to be present when she needs to talk
Suggest shared activities, especially things she enjoys
Don’t take the distance personally…it’s part of the process
“The greatest gift you can offer your teenage daughter isn’t a grand gesture; it’s your presence.”
The Long Game: Why Your Presence Matters
When parenting feels hard (and it will), the temptation can be to shut down or retreat. But this is when your daughter needs you most, even if she doesn’t say it out loud.
You matter.
Your consistency matters.
Your quiet presence makes a difference.
So keep showing up. Keep being there. You don’t have to fix everything, you just have to stay close enough for when she decides to swim back.
If you’re struggling or need support, Know Your Worth is here for you. Why not watch (or rewatch) our webinar here with more ideas of how you can support your teenage girls?
